Symbiote

Christmas morning.  I have been out of bed since 3:00AM.  That is pretty normal for me these days.  I don't seem to need much sleep.  I have a combination of life anxiety, that maybe work related, fear of failure crap.  The usual.  Also I am anticipating my severance from thought, my disconnect from my anxiety, and fears, I am already prepared for all of the steps necessary to float  my soul in the soothing hands of the great pacifier that is the Pacific Ocean.  I have promised that I will participate in whatever remains of the family ritual that was our Christmas morning.  I worked hard yesterday, and staggered to bed last night at 7:30, Terri has not been well so I don't know what this morning will bring.  Perhaps only muted daylight that is normal for a rain forest December?  Once the shared coffee and a few  assurances of love between the family that is present are complete I will go to Santa Cruz, slide the kayak into the dark water of the harbor and paddle out to the surf.  Amazingly, I will think of nothing while in the boat.  The rise and fall of boat and man in the organism that is earth will permeate, or intermingle with the structure that is "Dave" Dave will acknowledge his significance as a component of earth, will acknowledge the two way diffusion that occurs between symbiote and host but will exercise no conscious thought.  None is required.